Alchemy of Forgiveness
A forgiveness journey to transmute your pain into peace.
Love is never leaving you.
You are worthy of love because you are love.
This hurt created a voice that chimes in to add mean things. It always finds evidence of the wrong, the bad, the imperfect, the mistakes.
You’ve done some healing work or you’ve thought about it. You’ve read some books. You’ve talked to some trusted people but they haven’t helped. You’ve done talk therapy. Perhaps you’ve even tried other coaching.
And it still feels impossibly hard to get over this hurt. Maybe even more so because you’ve tried so many other things.
But the hurt is still there.
And all along it’s been eroding your sense of worth, your trust in yourself or others, your outlook on the world.
I’m here to remind you there is nothing you could do or have done to you that makes you unworthy of love, joy, pleasure, magic, happiness, a life you adore. You are worthy of it all simply because you exist.
I’m here to guide you through a proven process of forgiveness. This is what I’ve found to be the greatest healer in my life. That’s actually helped me let go of the hurts that weighed on me. That finally gave me a sense of freedom from that thing.
We’re going to do it together.
And with a focus on pleasure and joy and magic.
Because I know that underneath most of the hurt is a feeling that we ourselves are bad, wrong, stupid, too damaged, too broken, irredeemable. Ultimately that we are unworthy.
Forgiving yourself or someone else is the ultimate reminder that you do in fact have worth. So much.
The process of forgiveness is reclamation of YOU. Your values, your boundaries, your feelings, your body, your emotions, your spirit, your beingness. Forgiveness says all of these are valid and get to take up their rightful, sacred space.
It’s time to remember that.
It’s time to believe in that again.
I know it feels hard. No, actually it feels impossible. There’s this thing that’s been weighing on you for ages - a month, a year, a decade, maybe most of your life. It’s always THERE. With you. In the back of your mind. When you’re trying to work, when you’re arguing with your partner, when you’re dating, when you’re dealing with your kids, when you’re thinking about your body, when you’re daydreaming about the next five years.
I’m here to remind you that you are worthy of love.
You are worthy of feeling pleasure, joy, magic, happiness, and every good thing in the universe. You are worthy of the dreams you imagine for yourself.
You have so much worth
First thought after seeing you smile by Warsan Shire
come with every wound
and every woman you’ve ever loved
every lie you’ve ever told
and whatever it is that keeps you up at night
every mouth you’ve ever punched in
all the blood you’ve ever tasted
come with every enemy you’ve ever made
and all the family you’ve ever buried
and every dirty thing you’ve ever done
every drink that’s burnt your throat
and every morning you’ve woken
with nothing and no one
come with all your loss
your regrets, sins
memories
black outs
secrets
come with all the rot in your mouth
and that voice like needle hitting record
come with your kind eyes and weeping knuckles
come with all your shame
come with your swollen heart
i’ve never seen anything more beautiful than you.
I want more for you. I want you to look in the mirror and see pure love staring back at you. I want you to see the whole, divine, perfectly imperfect human that I see.
I have never seen anything more beautiful than you.
I want you free from this hurt so that you:
Have more love for yourself
Trust yourself
Feel pride for yourself
Have more connected, intimate relationships
Feel your Self as a safe being in an unsteady world
Live out your dreams and desires
Have more compassion and empathy for yourself and other humans doing their own humany things
Have more energy and presence for the things and people that matter to you
What would you do with more mental, physical, emotional energy??
I use mine to spend time with people I love, learning new hobbies and crafts, unlearning white supremacist, late stage capitalistic dogma, supporting causes I align with, and playing with my three cats.
And being present for all of it.
I used my pain as an excuse to turn off my emotions, my body, my intuition. It was the only way I knew how to survive. And I “lived” like that for a decade. I say “lived” because it wasn't much of a life. Turning off all of the painful feelings meant I also couldn't access feelings of joy and happiness.
Once I went through the process of forgiveness, and moved through all of the feelings I was avoiding, the more pleasant emotions came back too.
And if I’ve learned anything, doing this work for years, it’s that sugar makes the medicine go down easier.
The process of forgiveness I went through, and trained in, felt dark and heavy most of the time. It was medicine I dreaded taking. I didn’t want to do the work. Looking back it was transformational and changed my life for the better in so many ways, but while I was IN it, I resisted it. I hated doing the work. I still didn't want to feel my feelings. I knew that it would be hard and painful.
The piece that was always missing for me was JOY and pleasure.
If I’m being honest, I needed to forgive myself first in order to believe that I was worthy of feeling joy and pleasure. But I’m here to remind you that that’s not true.
You are always worthy of joy, happiness, peace, and love. No matter the mistakes you made or the ones made against you.
Always.
I don’t want it to take you 10+ years to believe this too. This is why joy is a pillar of the work we’ll do together - so that your body knows it. so you can retrain your brain to accept it, so your belief in knowing you deserve it grows until it’s 100% true for you.
Even though we’ll be going deep into the shadows and you might experience discomfort, joy will be infused into every aspect of our work together.
The joy we’re nurturing here will be like the coziest bed - with freshly laundered sheets, fluffy pillows, a weighted velvet comforter, a puffy mattress - where you settle right in and find comfort and safety and so much peace.
Alchemy of Forgiveness is for you if you’re ready to finally let go of that hurt and let yourself embrace joy
We’ll spend 10 weeks together and you get:
1 opening call
8 60 min calls
1 grief and rage ritual midway
1 closing celebration call
text/email support in between calls
You’ll receive lifetime access to short (under 10 minute) video lessons that will introduce you to a step in the forgiveness process. I’ll ask you to complete this as a journal exercise and we’ll go over it on the next call, along with anything that came up while doing it.
Session 1
Opening Call - we’ll create a list of things that bring you joy and how to incorporate them into your daily life. I’ll also provide a pdf list of all different kinds of joy-giving items/actions/treats/music ahead of time. Bring to call, let’s do a show and tell.
Session 2
Grievance Story - what happened? Flush out as much detail as possible about the situation, who was involved, what they did, what you did, how you felt.
Session 3
Deconstructing the Story - the layers underneath the grievance story
Session 4
Impact - how has this affected you and impacted your life? How will it continue to impact you if nothing changes?
Session 5
Heal the Emotional Wound - shadow work, inner child work, recognizing patterns, coming back to (self-)compassion
Grief & Rage Ritual
A dedicated time and space to feel through the grief and rage that the previous sessions have brought up
Session 6
Positive Intentions - finding the gift of having gone through this experience, the lotus in the mud
Session 7
Your New Story - Putting together the previous sessions, you’ll write out a more empowering and compassionate story
Session 8
Integration - we’ll look at anything holding you back or resisting forgiveness and create a ritual or practice to anchor this new thinking/way of being into your life
Session 9
Forgiveness ritual - to mark the ending, release, and find some closure from this experience
Session 10
Celebration & Dreaming - what’s possible for you now?? We’ll spend some time thinking about what you want to call into your life next and how you can start to make it happen
You’ll learn a process of forgiveness, that you can use over and over again (because life will undoubtedly offer you more chances to practice), to release a big hurt that continues to cause you pain, and by the end you’ll feel a bigger sense of freedom, compassion, joy, and PEACE.
Why this? Why now?
There’s a saying that goes “hurt people hurt people”. I was one of those people. In my own suffering, as I was crawling out of that dark hole of numbness, I made some really harmful mistakes and hurt people I cared about.
I hated myself. I thought I was the absolute worst human, irredeemable, beyond fixing. I thought I deserved every bad thing in the world and I was waiting for karma to catch up to me.
And yet (those glorious words), there was a tiny, tiny seed of hope that told me this was a lie and it didn’t have to be like this. I could like myself, I could trust myself, I could even be proud of myself. I could feel worthy of love and goodness.
I believe that if I hadn’t done the healing work of forgiveness, I would still be stuck in that hole. And worse, I might still be causing harm to others (consciously or unconsciously). Nor would I be LIVING my life or living in my purpose of offering this work.
While most people’s stories won’t share the same details, I know that many people are hurting in their own way for their own reasons. It’s happening at the relational level, community level, systemically, globally, ecologically. Intentionally, or not, the hurt we hold onto inside ourselves impacts how we relate to everything.
If you’re here, reading these words, I know you care about the impact you have on your surroundings, the people in your life, your environment, your ecosystem. I know you don’t want to cause more harm because you’re hurting.
But it starts with you. You must also care about the impact it has on YOU to hold onto the weight of that hurt. I know you see that tiny seed of hope within yourself too.
Freedom, Peace, Joy, Magic
Dreams Coming True
They are possible for you.
I promise. Even when I started my own forgiveness journey, I was skeptical. I thought I was too far gone and it wouldn’t work for me. But I stuck with it, I did the exercises and met with my mentor, and by the end, I FELT F*CKING FREE, more peaceful, and more love for myself than I had ever known. If it was possible for me, it’s possible for you too.